It Takes a Village

So here we are in November.  In the UAE that means we can get back outside and enjoy bluer skies, fresher air and beautiful sunsets.  It also means the bugs are back and I am currently being eaten alive by the feisty mosquitoes who have been laying low and are clearly hungry and making up for lost time.

Psychologically and physically autumn is the time to get your act together, finish up projects that you have started and put aside the ones that aren't working out the way you had hoped.  We should be cleaning up our diet with a cleanse and plenty of seasonal veg and spices, and getting our respiratory system working with lots of breath work, fresh air and outdoor exercise.  It's also the time of year to focus on commitment, so whatever you say you are going to do, make sure you stick to it.  Get a healthy morning routine in place that you can stick to that wakes the body and stimulates your lymphatic system.  For me that means some dry body brushing followed by a cold shower (well at least for the first few minutes, and admittedly there is no way I would have been doing this bit in Scotland) and diffusing lots of aromatherapy oils that clear the airways (eucalyptus, peppermint, thyme and tea tree are great).  In our practice we focus on using the breath to guide our movements, opening the chest with back bends to increase our lung capacity and starting and finishing each session with some pranayama.

I'm relieved as the slower pace and focus of the flow is suiting my body as I continue to heal my injured back and learn to work with a recently discovered scoliosis in my lumbar spine.  This causes uneven pressure through my SI joint resulting in occasional flare ups and a lot of tightness through the pelvis, hips and glutes.  My commitment this Autumn is therefore to stay focused on this healing process and invest my time and money in working with the right people to keep me on track and guide me in the right direction.  I have been so lucky to find some amazing people who have helped me so far on this journey and I thought I would name check a few of them in this post to say a big thank you and help others who may be wondering which way to turn to fix things when they are broken:

My doctor: The orthopaedic doctor at Harley street medical centre in Abu Dhabi who saw me when my pain was severe, worked out what was causing the issue by giving me an X-Ray within half an hour and then promptly stuck a needle in the sore bits to help me walk out of there. Thank you for your quick, kind and friendly service.

My sports massage therapist: Thank you Google for finding me Claire Wyness who got me on the massage table and helped ease the muscle spasms. She is continuing to work with me to release the tension in the soft tissue that is pulling my spine and pelvis out of shape. She in turn referred me to...

My physio: Amy at BounceBack in Yas Marina, who analysed what is causing the problem, stuck more needles in me to promote healing in the joints and muscles, moved me about to get things back into place and gave me a programme of therapeutic exercises to strengthen what is weak (mostly my pelvic floor and adductors) and release what is tight (hip flexors, hamstrings, glutes). 

My yoga teachers: Santina Giardina Chard from afar and Nea Ferrier slightly closer to hand at Ashtanga Yoga Dubai. Both these beautiful Aussie yogis have stepped up when I have needed them and taken the time and interest to check in with me, keep me motivated and make suggestions that help me stay on the mat and practising in a way which is both safe and healing.  A big namaste to you both.

The anatomy guru: Stu Girling of Love Yoga Anatomy whose workshop in Dubai last weekend helped me to understand what is going on in my body and how to use yoga to both open up what is stuck and protect what is vulnerable.

In AYD's fancy new location at The Westin, Al Habtoor City for some anatomy fun with Stu Girling.

My osteopaths - Lindsey Docherty in the UK, for introducing me to this magical treatment and helping me find someone who could carry on her good work here in the UAE.  I've just started working with Dr Esther Navarro at the Osteopathic Health Centre in Dubai who is taking a holistic approach to healing the mechanical issues in my body with her amazing craniosacral adjustments, whilst also helping me to rebalance my hormones and digestion, releasing tension and rebalancing energy through my whole nervous system.

I should of course also thank all my friends, family and colleagues who have stepped in to lend a hand when I have needed it.  I am very lucky to be surrounded by such awesomeness.

That's a lot of people, and a lot of time and money (thank goodness for insurance), but I only have one body and I have learnt that I can't rely on one person, least of all myself, to fix it.  True healing takes a village and it is up to you to seek out the right people in that village to meet your needs.  

Yoga has taught me that everything in the body is connected - breath, mind, body, spirit.  We are an amazing mix of atoms and emotions magically thrown together and capable of doing great things, but we are also pretty breakable and there is usually a whole host of reasons that lead to any crisis point. True healing is hardly ever as simple as sticking a plaster on something and waiting for it to get better.  My physical problems have been caused by a multitude of factors that have built up slowly over time and it will take a lot more time, effort and commitment to carefully undo them.  However, I quite like my body and would like it to keep working for a while longer yet.  I wish I had sought help earlier, but now that I have found it, I won't be letting go any time soon. 

The Post Retreat Fallout - some late summer lessons

Tamarind Springs

It has been just over a month since I returned from Santina Giardina-Chard's Wild Women Retreat in Koh Samui, Thailand.  I could not recommend the experience enough.  Santina is an amazing teacher, Tamarind Springs was a beautiful, tranquil, green oasis and I got so much out of working on my physical and personal development in the company of a small group of beautiful, inspiring and supportive women.  It was certainly hard work, but I learnt some lessons that will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I know there will be many more to come.  Here's how each day worked...

The view from my villa

Every morning I woke in my beautiful private open air villa, went through a series of cleansing rituals, made some tea and sat on my veranda to write my journal as the sun came up, listening to the birds begin to sing and watching the bats and the lizards go back to bed.  I would go for a walk around the retreat grounds or sit on top of a giant boulder outside of my villa looking over the treetops and out to sea, feeling my connection with nature and the wider universe. Then I would stroll down the rocky steps to the yoga shala for meditation and Mysore style ashtanga practice under the watchful guidance of Santina who knew how to strike just the right balance between arse kicking and nurturing encouragement to get me working.  Her gentle and intuitive adjustments and refusal to put up with my BS and excuses helped me to find new pathways in my body, creating space that I had given up hope of finding, and inspiring me to find the motivation to take my practice forward by committing to the process.  After that we would neck back a fresh coconut and head to the natural cave steam rooms for a body scrub, steam and plunge pool regime that replenished, cleansed and rejuvenated the body, mind and soul.  Then, finally(!), it was time for a healthy buffet brunch, followed by a couple of hours for relaxation and reading before our afternoon discussion group.  This work was based around the writing of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in her astonishing and insightful book 'Women Who Run With The Wolves', interwoven with Santina's hard-won wisdom and our own stories, experiences and journalling discoveries.  Mine usually involving some personal enlightenment prompted by an encounter with a creepy-crawly in my villa!  We ate an early dinner followed by more individual reading, journalling and processing which saw me crawl to my bed physically and emotionally exhausted each night, but I have also never felt more alive and connected both to myself, to others, to nature and beyond.

My lovely open air villa. Home to me and 5 million other creatures!

Sounds amazing right? In a scary, slightly crazy, hippy way?  It was.  This particular journey, like all stages of my relationship with yoga has been both wonderful and terrifying.  The big question for me though is always, what happens when you come home and step out of the bubble?  How can you maintain this work and commitment to self-discovery when there are bills to pay, mouths to feed, family commitments, friends to drink with, obligations to fulfil and relationships to live with?  How do you explain all your new-found crazy behaviour to your partner and kids?  How do you find the time to do all these rituals and practices that you know make you feel good, but take up so much time and energy that you cant always find or afford?  Can you actually go back to that life you left behind when you stepped on the plane?  Can you make the changes you want to make without destroying all the wonderful things you already have?  Is that really what will make you happy?  What happens when you think you are on the right track and then something comes out of the blue and knocks you sideways, or worse, right back to where you started?

These are the questions I am working out now.  They are the never ending chatter of doubt and fear that everyone has to live with.  Of course, there are no easy answers.

The universe will keep throwing it's crap at you (for me, just when I commit to doing a regular practice 6 days a week, I have put my back out, discovered I have some serious misalignments that need correcting and that I will need to start rebuilding my body all over again if I'm going to be able to manage things long term).  Nobody else in your life will seem to be on the same page as you.  People will still be flaky and thwart your attempts to move forward.  You will still get sucked into conflicts and the mundanity of daily life with a regularity that often makes you want to scream.  Your partner will still annoy you, and your kids will still drive you up the wall.  You will lose your temper, be hormonal and return to some of your bad habits.  But, you will also begin to observe it all with a slight detachment that makes you realise that you will come out of the other side and that all you need to do is stick on the path you have started for the answers to each new problem to keep coming.

The steam caves

I may not be doing the yoga practice I would like to be doing at the moment, but I have kept up most of those daily rituals (I just sometimes need to take some short cuts or spread them out through the day). I am journalling, and I am seeing people that can help me get back on track physically on a regular basis and as part of a long-term commitment to taking care of myself.   I am trying to be careful about the choices I make and the ways I use my energy and have spent a lot of time thinking about what I want to do with the rest of this year and into the next 5 years and have started to put some steps in place to get there.  I am being more honest with myself and with those around me.  Late summer is the perfect time of year to do this kind of work, and I feel really connected with this process.  I am still making plenty of mistakes, but I am going to keep getting up and keep on trying.

If you are feeling stuck, hurt or uninspired then the kind of work I was lucky enough to begin with Santina can be a wake up call.  If I have learnt anything at all since I first rolled out my yoga mat it is that sticking your head in the sand is not a long-term strategy for health and happiness.  When I was away I cried many tears, I laughed many laughs and I had 10 days to think about what I am, who I am, why I am and where I want to be going in the most beautiful surroundings.  It is now my husband's turn and he is currently away trekking in Nepal and I can't wait to hear all about his adventures and discoveries on his return.  These things are never cheap, they are also an incredible privilege that we are particularly lucky to be able to take advantage of due to our current circumstances and location.  That said, no matter what your position in life, there will always be other things you could be spending your hard earned money on, but if you feel a need to be there then you owe it to yourself to find a way.  I believe that if you surround yourself with the right people at the right time in your life you will begin to face up to what is holding you back and learn to let it go.  You will never regret the investment.  You won't find all the answers there and then, but you will start to understand the questions you need to ask and keep on asking, even when things get tough and it would be easier to turn your back on the process.

It may be painful, it may not be perfect, but that is life and it is always worth it.

Leaving the shala for the last time to face the music at home!

  

An Annual Review

This month I have been lucky enough to put the intentions I laid out in my last blog post into practice and spend some time away from home for a week of ashtanga yoga with Mark Robberds in Dubai.  Every time I make the space in my life to focus on my own practice and personal development I wonder why I left it so long since the last time.  The answer is obviously because life doesn't really work that way and before you blink you are back into the old routine, racing along on the same treadmill.  This time, however, I've taken precautions to try and make sure that things work out differently.

Whilst I was away, I read a book that was recommended to me during my teacher training, but which I then totally ignored for a couple of years.  It's called 'Your Best Year Yet' by Jinny Ditzle and it outlines a programme, made up of 10 simple questions, to help you review the achievements and disappointments of your last 12 months and put a simple plan in place with targets for the year ahead.  I'm not a big 'self-help' book fan, but I really enjoyed this process and would highly recommend it.

The premise is that you could carry out the plan in just 3 hours, but I chose to do it over a couple of afternoons (since I was lucky enough to have that luxury). As I worked through the questions, it reminded me of the apprasisal process you go through at work each year, and I thought it made perfect sense to apply that model to our personal lives, with the added benefit that your 'appraisal' will only be used to make the business of being 'you' more profitable.  I wondered, why we don't monitor and reflect on our performance in life each year, bask in our glories and learn from our mistakes, rather than rushing headlong into another 12 months of stress and frustration?  We know it helps to keep us motivated and improve our performance at work, so of course we should do it with the things in our lives which are of more importance.

By working through the questions you end up with a one page plan, that gives you a set of guidelines reflecting your beliefs and 10 clear 'goals' for the year ahead linked to your priorities for personal change and development.  Ditzle recommends that when you are finished, you should pin it up somewhere and read it every week to remind you of your focus.  Better yet, you should share your plan with your loved ones or a friend, so you have the motivation to keep on track (hence this blog post!). You then spend a little time each week breaking those big goals into smaller tasks and activities, so that when you get to the end of the year and look back, all of those things that seemed like impossible dreams have at least been attempted or moved towards, rather than growing dusty in the back of our minds.

I complained in my last blog that I was feeling a bit directionless and this process has really helped me.  If nothing else, making the effort to look back on what you have achieved, is an uplifting process which I am trying to apply to my yoga practice too.  So often we get caught up in what we can't do, believing that things are impossible for us for one reason or another, but failing to recognise how far we have come.  If I never do the perfect backbend, or bind in kurmasana will it really matter? Of course not, but every time I get on the mat and create a millimetere more space, I am opening myself up to more change and improvement in my body and mind and I should be proud of the distance I have travelled, not comparing my progress to everyone else.  The week of yoga taught me that, as I huffed and puffed and cursed in a room full of talented yogis who all seemed so much stronger, flexible and 'together' than me, but of course I know nothing of their journey and how far they have come.

I'm ready to get back on with the next stage of my own life adventure, and I have a rough idea now of what steps I'm going to put in place to help me along the way in 2016. There will no doubt be many curveballs ahead to make me swerve off my path, but as in the business world, I'm hoping that my annual self-appraisal will make me better equipped to deal with them.

Me and the Ashtanga Yoga Dubai crew with the amazingly talented Mark Robberds.

Lessons from Goa

Tim 'easy rider' Feldmann and his yoga groupies

I have just returned from two weeks of study at the beautiful Purple Valley Yoga retreat in Goa. What an amazing trip!  My teachers were Kino MacGregor and Tim Feldmann, ably assisted by the amazing Santina Giardana-Chard and Erin Morris, who gave their all to provide the perfect environment to delve deeper into our understanding and appreciation of the Ashtanga practice.  As always on a yoga retreat, the lessons I have learned are far different from the ones I had imagined.  No matter how much I tell myself to practice non-attachment and try to let go of expectations when embarking on something like this, the ego is always in the background, saying 'Yeah, but it would be great if you could come back doing handstands and wrapping your leg round your neck.'  Of course, this was not to be, and the universe was quick to remind me of that when I broke my toe on day two.  However, after I dried my tears, strapped my toe up and got back on the mat, here are some of the things I learned instead:

1.  I need to be more patient, with myself and with others. There is a reason that Pattabhi Jois was fond of saying 'Practice and all is coming'.  When I was forced to take my time, listen to my body and try to put in the effort where I most needed to, I got so much further.

2. I quite like being a vegetarian.  After two weeks of amazing meat free, raw food, I feel great and am seriously considering how to incorporate more vegetarian and vegan meals into my weekly repertoire.  I snuck out to have fish a couple of times when I was feeling like my protein levels had dipped and I was low on energy, but I didn't miss meat and my body felt much lighter and happier as a result.

3. I may not be the bendiest, skinniest, most spiritual or most talented yogi out there, but I love my practice and want to commit more of my life to learning about all things yoga and passing that knowledge on to others.  I believe yoga opens up a whole new way of looking at ourselves and the world around us and feel very lucky to have this perspective shaping tool in my life.

Living the dream- headstands on the beach

4.  Ashtanga works.  My love/hate relationship with the practice continues and it was only on the final day of Mysore class that I felt my body beginning to open up and a little bit of light flooding in to the dark places inside me that don't work so well. This made me both happy and terrified - ashtanga yoga is an addictive thing, when you crack things open a little you are compelled to keep going for fear that they will shut right back up again the minute you stop. But...

5. ... For me there is still more than a little room for other types of yoga practice.  I believe that the body needs different things at different times, and sometimes you need to back off to work on a different aspect of your practice - physically and emotionally - to keep yourself healthy, balanced and on the right track.

6.  As one of life's natural sceptics I remain suspicious of 'alternative' medicine.  However, I like to try and keep an open mind and am always curious about such things, so I was first in the queue for an auyurvedic consultation.  I was told that I am Pitta Dosha, but that my Vatta was disturbed and recommended a week of massages and detoxing enemas to clear up my toxins and rebalance my body.  This sounded like an interesting experiment so I signed up immediately.  By the end of the week I was feeling pretty good, although I was unsure if this was the holiday, the food, the yoga, the treatment or all of the above.  I was still feeling sceptical until I stopped to read more about the typical Pitta person and it rang many bells with me.  I don't believe that Auyurveda is a cure all, but I am certainly now more of the persuasion that there is something in it that is worth exploring as part of the eternal quest for health and happiness.

7. India is the wonderful, mad, colourful place I hoped it would be.  Go with an open mind and an open heart and you will not leave disappointed.

8.   When you practice yoga you meet many crazy, mixed up people, and you very quickly realise that nobody is perfect. But you will be hard pressed to find human beings who are more generous in the way that they share all sides of themselves with you.  This trip reminded me that we are all multi-faceted creatures with different talents, flaws, imperfections, issues and personalities and we all have something to give that people can learn from when we stop to look for it.  I met some wonderful teachers and students from the four corners of the globe and I am extremely grateful for the inspirational time I spent with them.   Thank you to everyone who made the last two weeks so special.

Namaste xx

The gang in all their glory.